Pillar of strength

My whole view on “is takes a village to raise a child” comes from the fact that my family is the size of a small village. On my dads side its a little more “extended” then immediate family but you wouldnt know it. On my moms side, the immediate family stands at 25, 26 in a months time. For the most part we are all there for each other. I have several “other moms”, psuedo sisters and stand in brothers. Its awesome. We are involved in each other lives and the children all grow up together. If ever there was strength in numbers, my family is living proof.

Six years ago both my grandmothers passed away. My dads father died years before I was born, so this was my first experience at loosing a parent figure. My dads mom, had emphysema, she had battled cancer and she was in her 80′s. She was always a frail type woman, and she has been miserable since her husband had passed away. I often thought she was on the brink of leaving us, but she always came back. When she did finally go, it was shocking. At that time i was living in Europe, far away from most family and friends.

This grandmother of mine had taught me so much that  makes me, me. Her love of heels is deep in my blood. she never left her room with out her rouge and mascara and she had loved ballroom dancing when she was younger. She was “a real lady”

Two weeks to the day after my granny had passed, the second phone call came. My moms mother had passed on too. She had been suffering a devastating fight with Parkinson’s, which had rapidly brought on a type of dementia. When i left for europe 5 months earlier, she couldn’t remember my name. My gran was a strong woman. Moved to South Africa from Holland with my grandpa, raised 4 children and stood behind and supported my grandpa when he went into business for himself. Move over spice girls, my gran had girl power going on in the 40′s! I can remember sitting in my car the day I got the news, remembering this strong woman. Thinking on how she wasnt going to be at my wedding or see my children. She was such a guiding light for our family… what now?

Life has gone on. I think of my grans often. On my wedding day, during my pregnancies, when i gave birth to my children, and every awesome moment tat follows. My grans would have loved these little one. They would have been so proud.

On my dads side we are the only grandkids, hence the only greatgrandkids, but on my moms side there are 9 grandkids, 7, nearly 8 great grandkids! And my grandpa is so truely proud. They all love the man. Their little face light up in his presence.

Ironically 2 weeks ago I did an insert on a TV show about the influence of grandparents in childrens lives. A week ago, my grandad had heart failure, a few days ago his kidneys started going, yesterday we sat on his bed, holding his hand as he told us he loved us. He is dying and my whole life feels like its falling apart.

This man, 89 mind you, is the patriarch of our family. Truely we revolve around him. This is obvious by the group gathered in his lounge yesterday. All of the available family was there ( minus the kids but plus my cousin from the UK). United we stand. The ones who couldnt be there were almost im radio contact with the amount of messages flying back and forth. This family might be in full earthquake but our foundation is solid.

I dont know if I can explain how I feel for my grand dad, or how I felt for my grans. They were extensions of my parents and their loss is on par. I was lucky enough to be raised with 3 phenomenal grandparents, and I hope, no! i know my parents will give the same to my children. That awesome bond, that family strength.

Today I go back to the bedside, the week will be more difficult with work, but there the family will be. Strong and united. My grandpa has no doubt he is loved and we are there until the end. And we have no doubt that, to the most part each and every one of us are there for each other.

xoxo

Behind blue eyes.

“No one knows what its like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes”

During my pregnancy with my eldest, I had the most outrageous of dreams. I’d read that the hormones mess with your mind, but this was similar to an acid trip at times. As if I wasn’t skimping on sleep enough, these often nightmarish dreams stole what little rest I was getting.

My most re-occurrent dream was that my little boy would be blind. I”d wake up in a panic, soaked with sweat. I knew if I needed to I could handle something like that, but I didn’t really want to. Every mom hopes, dreams and prays that their little one will be perfect in every way.

When Caleb was born he was perfect in every way. My little blonde haired blue eyed angel. Perfect.

That little cloud of doubt snuck in. As Caleb grew, it became obvious he wasn’t seeing as he should. He missed every sight milestone. He didn’t look at your face or make eye contact. He didn’t follow a finger. My nightmare was becoming a reality.

The more I noticed these “problems” the more I panicked. Had I sub conscientiously done this to my baby. Had I done something wrong. Caleb’s eye’s did not improve, in fact they worsened. To add to what seemed to be the inability to see, his eyes vibrated and almost rolled around. I was devastated. I knew I could do this. I knew I had to do this. But inside I was crying like a big baby.

Seeing doctors did not help. There was a very real chance my cherub was blind.

I’m blessed that my cousin is an Optometrist and our family doctor is so pro-active. Between the two, they carried me on with encouragement and information.

At 4 months old, Caleb went for a brain scan. It was awful. I’ve had them often, as I am an epileptic but to see you child, strapped up to hundreds of blinking wires…its heart breaking. He was drugged to keep him docile and there Caleb lay, quietly as the machine looked for signs on sight. Lights were flashed in his forced open eyes, and all I could do was hold his tiny hand, and pray.

After the longest wait, a thin golden ray of sunshine crept through. Caleb’s retina was responding to light! Now in perspective that means little more than he can differentiate between light and dark, day and night – but hell, it was good news. It was a start.

After several visits to doctors, we had a name – Congenital Nystagmus. Nystagmus means involuntary eye movement. Congenital nystagmus occurs more frequently than acquired nystagmus. It can be insular or accompany other disorders (such as micro-ophthalmic anomalies or Down’s Syndrome). Congenital nystagmus itself is usually mild and non-progressive. The affected persons are not normally aware of their spontaneous eye movements, but vision can be impaired depending on the severity of the movements.

Although this didn’t mean we were out of the woods, it did mean Caleb wasn’t blind. Strangely I briefly dated a guy with nystagmus and it gave me great hope.

Caleb now see’s well, although he tends to turn his head to get a better angle where the vibrations don’t affect his sight. I have been looking into an operation , performed in the USA which has a high success rate in fixing the vibration, and head tilt. ( It just costs a fortune, so if you know any millionaires with funds to spare….I’m collecting )

Our little experience gives me so much respect for mothers with disabled children. ( I grew up with a friend whose brother was downs syndrome and her mom always inspired me) I am lucky that Caleb’s problems are minor and “fixable” but it does put all those things we take for granted into perspective. And it teaches us that a little faith, in what ever you believe, goes a loooong way.

Xoxo

Barneyphobia

Barneyphobia
Fear of Barney the purple dinosaur.

Barney started in 1988 and has run for 268 episodes. Barney’s famous song “I Love You” (as well as songs from Sesame Street and Metallica) has been used by interrogators at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba to coerce the detainees

I hated Barney! Despised the purple pedophile. I was too old to have fallen into the sugary sweet grasps of this world wide phenomenon as a child, and besides knowing some off colour versions of his theme song and being fairly convinced that it was Michael Jackson in that suit, I had no interest in him.

I did however, loudly, claim that my children would never be part of that. Ever. My mom however has the listening skills of a bat, and at a year bought my eldest son his first barney. Awful. Little by little the satanic and inherently evil purple t rex filled my house. A t-shirt here, a dvd there. My mother had been brainwashed by this cult and was corrupting my child (same child who can sing ACDC and Metallica no problem-how is this possible??) I yelled screamed and performed but to no avail, my mothers tyranny was unbelievable.

Then I fell pregnant with the twins, and I could barely stay awake in the first 3 month. I couldn’t fight my son in his insistent quest to rot his brains with Barney, BJ and BabyBop (and the useless addition of cousin Riff- I mean seriously??) So I gave in… And wow! What had I been missing? I had a purple babysitter!! Woohooooo. I could come home, put on Barney and die silently on the couch to the previously irritating songs that now melodiously wafted around my lounge.

Now don’t get me wrong I don’t advocate using tv as a babysitter or allowing endless hours of mind rotting for your child, but I had suddenly learnt how I could cook, wash dishes, or hell have a private pee uninterrupted! Hallelujah!

With the arrival of my doublets, doing anything in my house became difficult, and a 20 min Barney saved my sanity.

On the passing of Michael Jackson I learnt, sadly that it wasn’t him in the suit. Barney also earned a few brownie points when I learnt that Optimus Prime was his voice at a point.

I guess there is a reason he has carried on this long. I can’t say I like him anymore than I did years ago, but I give him my grudging respect, and gleefully tuck him in along side my munchkins. I mean I girls gotta give dues where they are due.

Respect purple dinosaur…

xoxo

Its all in a name…

Names. Everyone has one, most people have a vague idea what their own means, but few give them much more thought. The study of names is called onomastics, a field which touches on linguistics, history, anthropology, psychology, sociology, philology and much more.

I think one of the most exciting adventures of being pregnant is choosing a name. Its not easy. A name needs to suit this little personality growing inside of you. A tiny person you have never met. Its a loooooong journey. And surprisingly difficult to get two people to agree, as well as the outside family input.

As a whole our family our names are fairly “normal” with names like Caroline, Robert and Len featuring in my parents age group. My generation is also fairly by the book. Nicole, Christopher and Desmond being the norm. Besides the odd littering of European names (my grandparents are Dutch, and my moms name is Italian) we are very by the book.

Then came the new generation. And there isn’t a “normal” name in sight. Not that we have gone all out with “Pilot Inspectoktor” and “Dweezil” like some celebrities passed (Or Seven like the Beckhams little girl) but there are no Mary’s or John’s. Or in my case Miguels and Maria’s.

My husband is portuguese and his family is a myriad of Carlos’s, Paulo’s and the like. My mother in law was horrified by my choices, and still can’t wrap her head(or tongue) around the twins names.

All our heritages were taken into account when we chose the children’s names but in the end it didn’t work for us. We needed names that “fitted in” with us.(And hell, sounded good with my surname) The list was long, and we weighed up the pro’s and con’s and evil nicknames ( I’d like to point out I never foresaw LoLo for Logan and Caley for Caleb)

I have no problem admitting our names in general were inspired by TV shows and comic books. That couldn’t be more “us” then that…and really people can sigh a sigh of relief that I children aren’t sporting trekkie names. Caleb was multifaceted. Both a evil priest in Buffy and a powerful millionaire in OC. Its also a biblical name, which appeased both sides of the family, by not choosing a nationality type name. Jordan because he was born on Michael Jordans birthday. The twins first and second names were both first names had I had twins of the same sex. Logan from Xmen and Connor from Angel. Kiara strangely has no affiliation and her second name Jade was because I chose a “theme” of colour. I am told a charactor is Lion King 2 is Kiara…we can go with that if it suits the story .

Long story short-their names suit them. The kids names gel well as siblings and it all suits the dynamic of our family. I know our names and choosing process is a little left of centre but it works for us and I think that’s what you should bear in mind when you are choosing for your little one. Their name has to follow them around all through their life. It becomes part of them, and naming them a certain way because its expected isn’t a great way to do it.

xoxo

Mommies tears

When you fall pregnant you cast your thought back to pictures you’ve seen in magazines of blissfully pregnant glowing woman and over exposed angelic pictures of mom and baby. And for some it is exactly like that.

For others, that very thought makes them feel like an unworthy mother.
The statistics on postnatal or post partum depression is scary. Although no one is exactly sure of the percentage of mothers that experience it, because it is still fairly taboo, the generally excepted percentage is 10 – 16%. It’s a scary statistic, especially when you take into account that it often goes undiagnosed.

I suffer from PND. It’s not a thing a lot of people know about me. I think because people don’t want to admit it to themselves. That something is “wrong” with me. That being said, if the topic comes up, I have a lot to say about it. Its not in your head. It real and its debilitating.

If you have experienced depression before you are a more likely “candidate” but it can hit anyone. Its not something you realize off the bat that you have, but you know yourself and you will realize something is off kilter. Or at least I did. I could let my twins scream blue murder and it didn’t affect me. I couldn’t wait for them to go to sleep again so that I could have me time again. I wouldn’t say I didn’t care, because of course I did, and I do. But “it” wasn’t there.

I have gone this far unmedicated, and there are days the idea of getting some pills to help are numerous. There isn’t a right or wrong way to manage the depression. It needs to be the best for you. And as long as you admit it and are pro active about it, I feel your journey to getting back on track is halfway done.

Symptoms to look out for include
Sadness
Fatigue
Changes in sleeping ( although this symptom was obviously put forward by a man, and one without kids)and eating patterns
Reduced libido
Anxiety
Irritability
Hopelessness
Guilt
Low self esteem
Inability to be comforted
Emptiness
Feeling inadequate as a mother
Impaired speech or hand writing

It is important to understand the difference between “baby blues” and PND. 80% of woman suffer from baby blues. Symptoms usually last from a few hours to a few days and is thought to be at its worst on day 3 ( and I remember with my first that it was exactly the 3rd day, when I sat in my bath – crying my eyes out) This is not PND and not a precursor to it. This is your hormones, coupled with the milk coming in which (for me) hurt like hell!! Its normal and there is no reason for alarm.

Although PND is not fully understood, doctors have found a few “risk factors”. Having these do not mean that you will get PND and having none does not mean you are exempt

Formula feeding as opposed to breast feeding
Breast feeding releases “happy hormones” and is suggested to aid in the bonding between mom and baby

A history of depression
Smoking
Low self esteem
Prenatal depression during pregnancy
Life stress
Poor marital relations
Infant temperament problems/colic
Single parent
Low socio economic status
Unplanned or unwanted pregnancy

I look on this list and find few indications for myself. In my case it was due to all the things that went wrong. I am a person who solidly looks to the positive in every situation, but I’ll be honest by the time my breast ulcerated, after 6 weeks in and out of hospital and several times stopping labour, coupled with the having to detox the pethadine and being allergic to the medicine to stop the breastmilk, oh and not forgetting the colic twins, and needy toddler and the ego boosting retrenchment during pregnancy and not being able to get another job… well my positivity was wearing very thin. I look back on it now and think, really? No one saw this coming… But you don’t. Until the day I started crying and couldn’t stop. I broke down infront of my gp ( I DON’T cry infront of others) it was as Oprah puts it, an ugly cry. And it didn’t want to stop.

To this day I burst into tears over stupid things. I find it hard to keep my demeanor pleasant. Im down right nasty and negative. I’ve called my son a nasty child all because he didn’t want to put the shoes I wanted on. There is no rationality to it.

Mothers with PND can also unconsciously exhibit fewer positive emotions towards their children, be less responsive and less emotionally available, even have a less successful maternal role in their childrens lives. In extreme cases it has been reported that some woman have thoughts of hurting their children.

There are thought to be 4 separate “coping strategies”

Avoidance – essentially denial
Problem focused – active coping, planning and positive refrain ( this is my route)
Support Seeking – emotional and instrumental support
Venting – this often leads to self blame

Having gone down this road I often ask myself “was there away to avoid this?”

Having read up a lot on this subject – I’d tend to say no. The only solid advice on preventing this I have ever gotten is “nutrition” Now anyone that knows me knows that I don’t lack in the eating department, and although Im a big fan although it may help in the prevention, Im still going with there is no preventative.

Treatment of PND is just as theoretical as the prevention and cause. Its believed that someone who realized she is suffering from this and chooses to confide in her friend or doctor is more likely to succeed in treatment. She is the person who err’s on the side of caution and therefore is more open to help.

The paths for treatment are as follows:

Medical evaluation to rule out physiological problems
Congnitive behavioural therapy ( a form of psychotherapy)
Possible medication
Support groups
Home visits/Home visitors
Healthy diet
Consistant and healthy sleep patterns

Your medical professional will work out a treatment plan for you to best work for your situation.

From me, I find one of the best ways to deal with PND is to talk. To get it out. Admit your problem and work forward from there. But whatever path you choose, You are a great mommy. And you will get through this. Its my daily mantra

xoxo

Nothing but the tooth.

I can remember overhearing someone once say that they had attended a lecture in which the doctor lecturing told them teething did not bother a child. All the hype involved is from the parent’s side.

Obviously both the person speaking and the doctor did not have children!

Teething is an inevitable part of growing up, and even the mothers with awesome doll like angels have a few ups and downs with teething. The truth of the matter is it’s a right of passage for parents. A way for us to earn our brownie points, our battle scars, our right to torment them through the teenage years.

The long and the short of it is its there, we have to deal with it and whether it’s a mild irritation or a drama worthy of a soap opera in your house you need to know at the least the basic ifs, whats and whys.

There are a large range of teething gels and powders available. Some soothe, some numb and some help with fevers. There isn’t a stock standard answer to what works best. Children are all very different and require different sorts of relief from their teething

For me the best combination is Ashton and Parsons for the fever and fretfulness and Prodol for the pain.

Drooling, crabbiness, and ear pulling are just a few of the signs that baby teeth are on their way.

You may not be able to predict exactly when the teething fairy will pay a call, but a number of signs can show she’s on the way. The type and severity of those symptoms vary wildly from baby to baby. For one baby, teething means lots of discomfort and big-time tears, while another child might breeze right through to a mouth full of teeth without a complaint.  Still, you can expect to see at least some, and maybe many, of the following symptoms. Some of which can precede the actual appearance of a tooth by as much as two or three months, so hang in there Mom!

Signs of Teething in Babies :

Drooling. It’s hard to believe so much fluid can come from the mouths of tiny babes, but teething stimulates drooling, and the waterworks are on for many babies starting from about ten weeks to three or four months of age.

Chin or face rash. If your teething baby is pouring out prodigious amounts of drool, she may develop a dry skin rash or chapping around her mouth and on her chin or even on her neck, because of contact with saliva. Patting away the drool will help prevent the rash; if it has already developed, moisturize it with a gentle skin cream.

Coughing. All that drool can make babies gag and cough. You’d choke too with a mouthful of spit. It’s no cause for concern, if your baby has no other signs of cold, flu, or allergy

Biting. Pressure from teeth poking through under the gums causes baby a lot of discomfort and that discomfort can be relieved by counter pressure, biting. Teething babies will gum whatever they can find, from teething rings and rattles to your fingers.

Pain. The inflammation of tender gum tissue can cause what seems like terrible pain to some babies, but it hardly affects others. First teeth usually hurt the most, as do the molars, because they’re just plain bigger, although most babies eventually get used to what teething feels like and aren’t quite so bothered later on.

Irritability. Your baby’s mouth will ache as that little tooth presses on the gums and pokes up to the surface, and, not surprisingly, it’ll probably make her feel out of sorts. Some babies may be irritable for just a few hours, but others can stay crabby for days or even weeks.

Refusal to feed. Uncomfortable, cranky babies yearn to be soothed by something in their mouths whether a bottle or the breast. But the suction of nursing may make a teething baby’s sore gums feel worse. For that reason, teething babies are fussy about feedings and get more frustrated as neither their discomfort nor their hungry tummies find relief. Babies eating solid foods may also refuse to eat during teething though check with your paediatrician if your baby shuns several feedings.

Diarrhoea. Doctors are divided on the subject, but some parents swear that their teething babies have bouts of loose poops perhaps from all that swallowed drool. It may or may not happen but do make sure to always report any diarrhoea to your baby’s doctor if it lasts more than two bowel movements.

Low-grade fever. Doctors are reluctant to definitively link teething to fever in part because the first teeth pop in around the same time that babies lose the immunity they acquired from Mom, making them more susceptible to infections and bugs. But like inflammation anywhere else in the body, inflamed gums can sometimes produce low-grade fever. Treat it like any other low-grade fever, with a call to the doctor if it lasts for three days.

Wakefulness. The teething fairy doesn’t only work days. As your baby’s teeth begin to emerge, her discomfort may disrupt her night-time slumber, even if she previously slept through the night). Before offering comfort, see if she can settle herself back to sleep; if she’s still restless, soothe her with patting or lullabies but avoid a return to night-time feedings, which will come back to haunt you when teething is done.

Gum hematoma. Teething can trigger bleeding under the gums, which looks like a bluish lump. It’s nothing to worry about and can heal faster and feel better with the help of a cold compress.

Ear pulling; cheek rubbing. Teething babies may tug furiously at their ear or rub their cheek or chin. The reason? Gums, ears, and cheeks share nerve pathways, and so an ache in the gums can travel elsewhere. Babies with ear infections will also yank on their ears, so do check with your paediatrician if you suspect your baby may be bothered by more than just teething.

Teething Relief

When your baby is suffering from teething pain, consider these tried-and-true home remedies.

While you can’t take on your baby’s teething discomfort, you can help take it away with these mom-tested remedies.

Chewing. Teething babies love to chew, and for good reason: The gumming action provides counter pressure, which relieves the aching pressure of new pearly whites pushing up and out into the mouth. Bumpy rubber teething rings, rattles, and other teething toys work well. Chewing is even more effective when the object is icy cold and numbs the gum. Try a frozen wet washcloth, or, to combine a snack with chilly relief, give frozen fruits like bananas and plums in a baby feeder mesh bag, but only under adult supervision and with baby sitting or propped upright.

Rubbing. Your finger rubbed firmly on baby’s gums can provide the same soothing counter pressure. Your baby may balk at first because it seems to hurt initially, but the counter pressure soon brings relief.

Cold drinks. A bottle of icy cold water can offer chilly relief to achy gums for babies over six months or if baby doesn’t take a bottle or balks at sucking, give ice-free water in a cup.

Cold food. Like icy food to suck on, chilled food to eat, such as yogurt, blended peaches, and apple puree can be more appetizing than warm or room-temperature foods, and can ease achy gums.

Pain relief. If chewing, rubbing, and sucking chilly foods don’t do the trick, break out the baby paracetemol, or try a topical numbing agent or pain reliever but only after checking with your paediatrician.

When will my baby start getting teeth?
The vast majority of babies sprout their first teeth when they’re between 4 and 7 months of age. An early developer may get his first white cap as early as 3 months, while a late bloomer may have to wait until he’s a year old or more. (In rare cases, a baby’s first tooth is already visible at birth.) Whenever the first tooth makes its appearance, celebrate the milestone by taking pictures and noting the date in your child’s baby book.

Teeth actually start developing while your baby’s in the womb, when tooth buds form in the gums. Teeth break through one at a time over a period of months, and often — but not always — in this order: First the bottom two middle teeth, then the top two middle ones, then the ones along the sides and back. They may not all come in straight, but don’t worry — they usually straighten out over time.

The last teeth to appear (the second molars, found in the very back of the mouth on the top and bottom) have usually begun coming into place by your baby’s second birthday. By age 3, your child should have a full set of 20 baby teeth, which shouldn’t fall out until his permanent teeth are ready to start coming in, around age 6.

Take heart mom, teething is over as fast as it starts. And with teething comes your angels gorgeous smile…and the next rite of passage….the tooth mouse/fairy!!!

 

xoxo

Double trouble

I am a fairly friendly person. I love to talk, and there is very few times I don’t want to gush about my kids.

During my first pregnancy I took a while to deal with how people seem to think when you are pregnant, its a village effort. Random people touching my tummy and discussing whether I’ll breastfeed or not freaked me out a little. It didn’t take long for me to develop my “don’t approach me” look. Which is sad because I genuinely love talking to people.

I found I was already vulnerable and it seemed like although some people were there to give me advice and kind words, others were there to bombard me with scary old wives tales and horrible stories of dead and defromed children. I blame a lot of my discomfort in my first pregnancy on this, as I was almost too scared to do anything.

After my son was born, I found a new version of intrusive people. From dirty germy people touching my perfect angel to unsolicited advice…I had one woman where I worked that went on so often about a bib, that I kept one with me for when she arrived just to stop the lectures on how much he needed to wear one. Eventually I got used to people knowing more about how cold/hungry/tired he was and I ignored it.

Pregnancy number two was easier because I had learnt to tell people to go jump when it came to unsolicited advice. A poor old lady really got it when she took the boxes of cup of soup out my basket because msg was bad for the babies. MSG??? I was pregnant with twins…she was lucky I didn’t have an IV of booze with me.

The worst was yet to come though, on the arrival of the twins, I met a race of people I didn’t realise was running around, or at least not in such quantities. “The Dumbass” Now I realise that twins are interesting. And people are interested but there is a point!!!!

A fellow twin mom told me someone enquired about how prem her boys were, and then assured her they would grow up to be normal. Really? They’re not normal now?!?

What also irritates me quite badly is how people will ignore my elsest while doting on the twins. I am aware they don’t mean to but can u imagine how awful it is for him to be totally and utterly ignored.

Here are a few of the real gems:

“I could never do it.” (Oh really. What would you do? Are you suggesting I put them on the curb with signs around their necks that say, “Free to a good home. My mom can’t do it.”?)

“Do they have different personalities?” (No. They are the same human being divided into two parts.)

Said by a stranger, “They’re identical, right?” Mom answers, “No. They’re fraternal.” Stranger response, “They are NOT!” (OK. You’re right. I have no idea what I’m talking about. These are not my children. I thought it would be fun to borrow them from a mom down at Ackermans. It’s been more than an hour. I guess I should return them.) Also I have pointed out once before that my twins are boy/girl- that one with an “innie” and one with an “outtie” -she didn’t see how this made them non identical

“Are they ‘paternal’ twins?” (Yes. They have a father. There was only one virgin birth.)Similar to are they eternal/infernal/maternal…if u don’t know the word….don’t fake it…say non identical. I’m not expecting you to know all the ins and out of twins if you don’t have any

“Just wait till they’re older. It only gets harder.” (Thank you. I woke up this morning hoping I’d receive a word of discouragement while pushing a cart of preschoolers down the cereal aisle.And you speak from experience?)I find it very interesting that mothers of single children, or non mothers know so much. Also that twins as an entirety are difficult. Really? All multiples will be difficult. Strange that…

“When one cries, does he wake the other?” (No. Twins cannot hear each other’s cries because they all communicate with their special telepathic language only.)

From a perfect stranger: “Were they in the same sac?” (Hello. Nice to meet you, too. Will you be sharing your gynecological history with me as well?)

“Are they developmentally behind?” (Well, let’s see. They’re 3 years old and thus far, all their graduate school applications have been denied. We’ll get back with you on that.)

“How do you do it?” (Haven’t you seen the Nike commercials?)

Said by a dentist: “I was shocked that they didn’t have the same bite patterns.” (They are two different human beings, not clones.)

“You must be SO busy.” (Are you volunteering to clean my house?)

Said to a mom of fraternal twins who are different sizes, have different eye color and different face structure: “How do you tell them apart?” (I just look at them.) I enjoy that question with my twins. Uhm girl and boy??? Its fairly obvious

“What do you do when they both cry at the same time?” (Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I go to Starbucks.)

Said to a mom of boy/girl twins: “Are they identical?” (Uh. Not exactly.) See my above statement on innies and outties. Good heavens people!

After a stranger had been informed that the toddler boys were twins, she asked a simple question: “Are they brothers?” (Enough said.)

Are they natural or artificial? (The answers I’d like to give vary. Mostly ok, I’ll tell you but first let’s talk about your sexlife. I also would like to point out an artificial baby is a doll. And who cares. Mine are naturally conceived-my friends aren’t…we are yet to find a defining difference and I have looked for the SABS appoval stamp on both)

Are they triplets? (My eldest is 2 years older, walking, speaking etc. )

How did you make them? ( Did your parents not have that talk with you?)

Double Trouble ( Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!! No my kids aren’t trouble. Your obnoxious behaviour however…)

Which one is older? (Seriously, its minutes, does it matter???)

Which one is the dumb/evil/naughty one? (*insert glare here*)

Do twins run in your family? ( Yes. The run here, they run there, they run circles around me. But seriously I once told a lady my hubby was an identical twin and she asked me if I knew which was the father!!!! )

How come their names don’t match/ you don’t dress them alike? ( Its a very personal choice. Some twin parents do, some don’t. I really don’t. Two reasons. Hubby is a twin. His mom dressed them alike. They are always compared. He is the cheerleader of individualism. Secondly I have a boy/girl set. My son looks awful in a dress. Also I’m not sure how to match a girl name to Logan or a boy name to Kiara. For the record though I do have a theme to my twins names – I caved a bit – both their names are irish. Kiara’s first and second names are colours, Logan’s first and second come from strong charactors that I have liked. Yes yes wolverine, did you really need to ask. Same with my eldest. Calebs second name is Jordan for many reasons, one being he is born on Michael Jordans birthday )

How do you tell them apart? (Ok I’ll admit in the beginning when they were both wrinkly and bald, I had my moments, but bar the obvious b/g issues-even identical twins have differences.)

In essence a lot of these questions make for a good laugh, and its fair to say joe public doesn’t understand twins, because ALL twin moms reading this are nodding away. We should just be thankful, and understand most of it. Double trouble however? That may be my end!

xoxo